You smirk to yourself as you turn off your alarm clock. Alarm? Who needs that?
Your mind has kept you awake since 3am. You know not to look at your phone but heck, it is quiet, and you are awake, so it makes sense to answer a few work emails, start your grocery list and add needed items to your Amazon cart.
You are exhausted and the sun has not even risen. Shake it off you tell yourself. Every day.
There is no time for this! Remember the “to-do list” from 3am you remind yourself. A list that feels never ending. Hustling and you have been BFFS since grade school. If grades were given out for saying “yes” straight A’s would be on your life report card. Every time you say “yes” inside you want to scream ‘no.” But then the fear sets in.
You are an expert at repeatedly over extending and over delivering to everyone.
Ordering cute cupcakes from Whole Foods for the class party makes perfect sense to save time. You exhale. As you start the online order waves of anxiety surface. You “should” be able to find the time to make those adorable cupcakes you found on Pinterest. Having four work meetings, ten deadlines and numbers to hit this month is no excuse. Other moms would get it done. The fears you are not a good parent creep in hard and fast. You delete the order and start the shopping list.
It is not just the cupcakes you are not getting right. You keep trying to get it all done, as perfect as possible for everyone. The sunrise exhaustion hits you so hard as you finally lay down in bed at the end of the day. It feels as if a red carpet will be rolled out again for your middle of the night lists all over again. It is here you cannot remember the last day you had energy or the desire to have sex. You are failing at that too you remind yourself.
The mental game you game you play with yourself seems like a no win. Why would I changing what I am doing when I know how to do it? Not only do you know how to do it, you get noticed by doing all the things. Your boss knows they can count on you. Your best friend going through a divorce and needs space to vent has an open door to phone or text you any time, any day. In-laws coming to town is no problem. You will create a list of activities and delicious meals at 4am. Everyone of them thank-you while also questioning to themselves how you do it all. .
You do it because you are not on your own life list.
Years go by and with each one you notice pieces of you fading more away. The reflection looking back at you in the mirror you barely recognize. Not because time on the calendar is moving or because you have been so busy you forgot to reorder your face cream or schedule your filler appointment but because all you recognize is a shell of the person you once were.
So here you are wondering, noticing.
The thing is you have noticed before. A flutter of who and how you used to be flies within as you listen to the new Adele album. This time you struggle to hold on to the feeling. Permission. Guidance. A call to exist. This thing called life feels heavy and impossible to navigate. You are tired. Headaches, tossing and turning, and nervousness are inside.
It does not have to be this way.
Placing you at the top of your list is a win for ALL.
Stopping the life-long pattern of losing yourself by taking care of others, creating unrealistic to-do lists, and striving to be perfect will help you and them. You desperately want to believe this. Each time sadness and resentment rear its ugliness you remind yourself to be grateful. Life is good. Except you are not in it. Fully. Caring about yourself allows you to experience your existence because you have a say in it every day.
Honoring your life will guide you into a life where:
You are proud of the behaviors you are modeling for your children
You are present to listen AND hear the words your partner shares with you.
That reflection in the mirror you smile at because you know who you are
When you need help you ask without shaming yourself
Living life connected to yourself feels different initially. Run away from a challenge is not your norm. Practice is a forgiving life space. It invites us to try.
The tiring parts of life are calling on you to try.
One of these supportive services may help you figure out how to live the life you dream about:
A gift to yourself. This is time to learn, listen, and support yourself while you create and commit to the life you have been longing for.
You and your partner sitting together in a safe, uninterrupted space to share needs, wants, and desires.
EMDR Trauma Therapy
An effective recovery therapy that helps you live your life freer from the harsh images or negative self-beliefs brought on by your past trauma.
Women's Wellness Group
Connect and cheer on other women who are in a busy life stage. They too desire it to be one filled with joy and peace.
Hi, I am Helene
A practicing life-balancer, lover of New York pizza and Love Boat ice-cream, and psychotherapist.
I join motivated, high-achieving successful individuals and couples reclaim their life in the way that currently only feels possible to exist during day-dreaming moments.
Together we move through barriers, bust through belief systems, and birth a voice and life that you get to claim and be the guide of. We uncover emotions and challenge past stories you either experienced or tell yourself so that new life chapters have space to exist and grow.
I am passionate and genuinely believe that you can have big goals, want to be there for others and have calmness within. Learning and committing to do so starts with you choosing you.